Dear Single Men & Women
Stop wasting your time with boys/girls, they are like kids. When a kid sees a phone-toy all they want is to play with it and that is the only value they see even if they see a real one.

They think all phones are toys but as they mature they will begin to see the value of a real phone and start to treasure it, protecting it and taking good care of it.

Some people have not yet matured and are still boys and girls playing with love, people's emotions and not looking for anything serious.

Stop wasting your time and start looking for a lady and gentleman who has matured and knows the value of love.

Kids will always be kids and think everything is a toy, send them away to pre school because you are not a playing ground. Their actions will tell you if they are still kids. DON’T IGNORE THE SIGNS.

8. DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON
Personally I believe relationships should be about bringing out the best in your partner.

He should make you a better person and bring out the better side of you as you should for him. If you decide to spend your whole life with him, you should feel confident that being with him won't change you for the worst.

If you believe that he is a good influence on you and your life in general, this is a match made in heaven! However if you see that your whole relationship has changed you for the worst, it is better you run the other way.

9. HE CONSTANTLY LIES
I think we could all agree on the fact that any great relationship is based on pure honesty. If you are not able to be straightforward with him and if he has to hide a part of his life from you, the talk about marriage shouldn't even come up.

You can't spend a lifetime wondering what he is doing and who he is meeting. Marriage should be a commitment between two best friends, who hide nothing from each other no matter how awful it may be.

10. HE HAS DIFFERENT GOALS AND DREAMS
Dating someone who is a polar opposite of you is a learning experience, it is something fun and fresh. However going into marriage with someone who doesn't share your goals and dreams can be a little difficult.

For example if he doesn't plan on having children and you do, you might have a problem figuring out where to go from there. You don't want to give up your dream of having a big family just because it is not something that he is comfortable with.

11. HE IS CONTROLLING
Believe it or not, but some men propose just to gain a firmer hold on their partner. They almost like to 'claim their property' and make it official. If this is the case, don't give him more than he already has.

His desire for control will only grow from there, he will prevent you from seeing your friends and even family. Proposal should be an act of unconditional love, claiming that you are the one he wants to grow old with.

12. YOU HAVE BEEN DATING FOR A SHORT PERIOD: While some hasty marriages actually work out, others just end up in a messy divorce. So if you want your marriage to last forever, its important to take your relationship on a trial over a span of a couple of years.

Once you become more familiar with each other and get to see the best, and the worst of your relationship, you will feel a lot more confident in the commitment you are about to make.

First couple of months in a relationship can give a false impression of what is about to come, so saying 'yes' would definitely be premature.

13. HE TRIES TO CHANGE YOU
Changing someone to fit your needs and desires is plainly selfish and unfair. True love is about accepting each other and loving every imperfection that that person comes with.

You can't just pick at the parts you like and change the rest to the way you want it. So you if you feel that is exactly what he is doing, explain to him that he either takes you the way you are or you are walking away.

14. YOU HAVE A ROCKY RELATIONSHIP
If you can describe your relationship as an on-and-off one, you and him are not ready for such a strong commitment. If your romance is not stable, that means that you just need to take a little more time before diving into marriage.

First you need to sort out if being with him is something that you want because calling it quits every other day is not what marriage is all about.

15. YOU FIND IT A CONVENIENCE
If you are considering marriage to save your Relationship or to improve your financial status, you are doing it for all of the wrong reasons.

Once again marriage is about an immense amount of love for one another and it is not just something you do because it is convenient.

Don't marry just because you want to settle down at this exact age, because love doesn't go by a plan, things always have a weird turn of events at the most unexpected moments.

Marriage is a beautiful, precious thing but only if you are careful in your selection of whom you marry. This is not a decision that should be made lightly. Do you ladies have any input on this subject to share with other readers?

15 Signs You Shouldn't Marry Him That You Simply Shouldn't Ignore: If you are considering marriage, you need to be sure that there are no signs you shouldn’t marry him in the picture.

Marriage is a huge commitment and should be for a lifetime. If the guy you are considering linking your life up with has any of the signs you shouldn’t marry him as discussed here, you need to carefully reconsider not only marrying them but dating them.

1. THEY HAVE BEEN UNFAITHFUL
One of the top signs you shouldn’t marry him is if he has been unfaithful to you.

If someone cannot remain faithful to you throughout the time period that you are dating, it is very probable they will not remain faithful throughout a lifelong marriage.

The bare minimum you should be able to expect from your husband is his faithfulness. That is not an extra benefit in a good marriage. It is expected.

2. THEY HAVE AN ALCOHOL OR DRUG PROBLEM: If you are dating a man with an alcohol or drug problem, you need to get away from him as quickly as you can.

Run away from that relationship! It holds nothing but heartache from you. You cannot fix him or save him from himself. Save yourself the heartache of marrying a man with an addiction problem.

3. THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT FAITH TO YOU
Marrying someone who is of a different faith than you are can bring you both so much heartache. I am not talking about little differences in denominations of the same faith. Those can usually be overcome fairly easily.

But if the two of you have completely different faiths, a happy future will be difficult for you to attain. And it is much easier to choose someone from the start that shares your faith than to break it off with someone of a different faith that you already care deeply for.

4. YOU FIGHT CONSTANTLY
If you cannot get along when you are dating, most likely you are not going to get along when you are married. In fact, you will probably fight much more. I have often heard it said that your relationship is the best it is ever going to be when you are dating.

Marriage is hard, even when you both love each other deeply and are committed to treating each other kindly. If you cannot work out your conflicts before you get married, then don’t get married at all.

5. YOU AREN’T SURE IF YOU LOVE HIM
If you do not know deep down in your heart that you are deeply and totally in love with your boyfriend then you absolutely do not need to marry them. Do not enter a marriage with doubts in your head and your heart.

That gut feeling is there for a reason and it is usually right. At the very least, postpone a wedding when you have doubts to give yourself time to sort your feelings out. If you do end up working through your feelings then your guy will still be there if it is meant to be.

6. NOBODY LIKES THEM
Is your boyfriend a well-liked guy? What do people usually think of him? What is the general, common opinion of him? Those are very important questions to consider.

While everyone has someone that doesn’t like them, if your boyfriend is disliked by a lot of people, there is most likely a reason for that that you need to consider carefully.

7. THEY CAN’T HOLD A JOB
I don’t know about you but I do not want a man that I have to support. If your boyfriend cannot hold a job,

Don’t enter into a marriage with him. Of course, we have all had jobs that don’t work out. However, if your boyfriend is being constantly fired or quitting jobs, that deserves some serious consideration.

That is probably a big clue to you as to what marriage is going to be like. After all, there may be times you cannot work due to pregnancy and childbirth and you will need him to support you.

2. Have a discussion with her:
Remember you are spouses and friends, not enemies. Sit her down and tell or show her mistakes in love. Don't correct her harshly, as we all know that nobody likes to be corrected with a harsh tone.

3. If the wife's negative attitude isn't improving, both of you should go see your religious leaders or a counselor for help.

4. If the negative attitude continues and it's worrisome to you, get your families involved. Let them know what you are going through. They could be of help as most times we tend to listen and respect our parents very well.

5. If the issues are lingering and that it's causing real problem that you can't deal with as a husband, here are what you can do finally:

√A. If you got married legally, apply for legal separation from a Magistrate Court. The terms and conditions of that separation will be given.

√B. If you got married traditionally without a legal document, go meet her parents and discuss your desire/decision to wanting your wife separated from you for some time. She can be asked to leave the house or you can leave for another space.

Separation is to give yourselves some breathing space to rethink your marital experience together. Separation is not divorce. Separation can last for days, weeks, months or even years depending on the two spouses.

A lot of spouses wouldn't have gotten that bad or died in their marriages if they had done separation to help themselves sort things out. Rather, most fighting spouses were asked to stay together under the same roof.

HOW TO DEAL WITH AN ERRING WIFE IN MARRIAGE.

For Everyone: Yesterday I touched a very sensitive topic in the African setting and, as expected, most of our men attacked me. As a counselor and coach, we deal with such attacks; so it's not new to us.

Bashings don't only come from men; they also come from many women especially when a post doesn't sit well with them. Some readers called me all kinds of bad names, saying that I am teaching our ladies disobedience, the white man's lifestyle, etc.

No friends, it's not about disobedience or the white man's lifestyle. It's about fairness and justice in marriage. If you will be happy as a spouse, understand that what's good for the goose is also good for the gander.

The Real Challenge in African marriages is that most of our men think that they should be assolved from any blames when they commit mistake whereas the women should be dealt with mercilessly. That's injustice!

Also, some concerned fans pitied me; I didn't feel bad or was disturbed at all. Rather, I was chagrined at the fact that the CRUX of the matter was left out for a SECONDARY problem: WIFE BATTERING.

I will continue to engage our men on that in subsequent articles. However, some fans asked me to write an article on how to deal with a wife, especially when a husband is provoked.

That was the question I was expecting to hear from our men. But no, many were busy saying that beating a wife is the way to go. Is wife battering the way to go when provoked by a wife?

Now let's establish that no matter the amount of provocations from a wife, wife battering is a product of anger issues (please read articles on temperament and emotions).

As a coach and counselor, one area of my expertise is Anger Management. I offer paid therapy sessions on that. Bad temperament is a very big challenge in many marriages around the world.

We have to understand that it's not in all cases of fist of anger that a wife provoked her husband. Some men just have bad temperaments that often result anger. These men are easily angered even over little or petty issues.

Usually, such men don't hesitate to react either by slapping or beating their wives. Honestly, I will not also fail to mention that many wives are SOMETHING ELSE. They are "harmful" to the marriage, to say the least.

Of course, marriage has its issues, however, wife battering is never an option, let alone a better option to deal with an erring wife.

Some men told me that wife battering helps in resetting some wives' brains. That may sound funny, but it's very despicable to say the least. Now let's see ways an erring wife can be dealt with by the husband.

1. In a case of crises, it's alright as a husband to be angry, displaying your displeasure over a mistake (not all mistakes should be frown at. Some should just be ignored as not worth your attention, let alone your anger).

You can say words such as: "I am not happy with you on this", "How could you do this to me/to us?"; "That was insensitive of you"; "I don't like it; pllease stop it", etc. There's no need to insult her or beat your wife.

Many died. Many were injured. Many were assaulted in the process. For those who never knew, wife battering is a punishable offense by the laws of Zambia and most countries of the world.

No husband has any right whatsoever to beat his wife no matter the provocation. That doesn't mean that the wife should misbehave towards the husband (wives who assault their husbands don't go Scot Free).

The reason why that law was enacted is because there are more cases of husbands battering their wives than wives battering their husbands. Men batter more and most times the battering is very injurious.

For Husbands & Wives,
If your dilemmas are getting out of hands, you can also seek help from the following bodies:
1. The Women's Affairs Commission
2. The Human Rights Commission
3. The Magistrate Court

The erring spouse will be called to order or sanctioned depending on the gravity of the offense. Dear men, let me finish on this note: if your wife insults you, grabs you on your shirt, pushes you, or maybe slaps you, of course, you might feel like "teaching" her the lesson of her life.

But Remember:
1. That if you hit her and she reports you to the above mentioned bodies, you will have no justification for your battering. The law forbids a man hitting a woman.
2. As a man, you are physically stronger. If you decide to "teach" her a lesson because she provoked you or insulted you, If she dies in the process, you won't go Scot Free.

BE THAT MAN:
Dear Brother, Be that man who can GROOM his wife, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and otherwise. Not DOOM Her.
~ Be that man who will wipe away the tears from his wife's face, not the man who puts the tears there.
~ Be there to give her a shoulder to lean on
Be there to be her friend, lover, husband, father, partner and priest.
~ Be that man who pays attention to his wife.
Who knows and understands his wife.
~ Be that Man who pays attention to the tiniest details about the woman he married.
~ Be that Man who knows the colors of his wife's eyes, the shape of her lips, the number of pimples on her face, even to the length of the stretch marks on her thighs.
~ A Man who knows the minutest detail about his wife, physically, emotionally, and otherwise.
~ Be that Man who knows his wife's favorite Color, shoe size, pant size, bra size, cloth size
~ Be that Man who baths his Wife.
~ Be that Man who offers to give his wife a full body massage so she can sleep well rested when she comes from work tired.
~ Be that Man who buys clothes for his Wife.
~ Be that Man who carries his wife along in everything he does, no secrets.
~ Be that Man who will fight anyone who wants to fight his wife,
~ Be that Man who PRAYS and PLAYS with his wife. Don't be a Prayer Man who doesn't Play and don't be a Player Man who cannot Pray.
~ Be that Man who makes marriage a fulfilling journey for the Woman he marries. Dear Brothers, Be that Man.

TO ALL THE WOMEN & MOTHERS OUT THERE
If Motherhood was supposed to be Easy, it wouldn't have started with LABOUR. I just want to encourage you and let you know that women have an unfair favor from the Lord and you should never Stop Praying For your families.

In Luke 7:11-15 Jesus observed a huge funeral procession in Nain. The entire town was present. He observed the young men and women weeping. He observed the pastors and apostles weeping. He observed the elders weeping.

He observed the fathers weeping. He observed the children weeping. He observed the sadness on people's faces. Nothing seemed to move Him, until HE SAW THE MOTHER.

The bible says He had compassion when He saw her and immediately raised her boy from the dead. (Luke 7:12-15). It was the cry of a mother that moved the Heart of God.

Still today, Mothers who cry before the Lord for their families, for their marriages, for their homes move the Heart of God. When Mothers stop praying their families (especially their children) perish.

Satan gets a foothold and starts to destroy the home, yet when they return to their rightful place as the anchor of the home, demonic strongholds get demolished. In Psalms 17, 36, 57, 63, and 91 God's role is likening to that of a Mother.

As a Mother protects, upholds and defends her children, so does God also protect us under the shadow of His Wings . We find refuge there and can hide there until the danger is over.

A mother's role is so vital that a father cannot get his prayers answered if he dishonours/ disrespects her (1 Peter 3:7). Because, of this favour over mothers, they are also the most attacked persons in the home.

The devil is terrified of Mothers (the powerhouse in the home). Yet the Lord has put inside Mothers grace and resilience to overcome any situation.

Today, As the woman of the home,consider yourself blessed. Consider yourself highly favoured and consider yourself dangerous when you pray. It's a great blessing to be a woman

PREMATURE EXPOSURE OF RELATIONSHIPS

Keep your relationship private till the final stages leading to Marriage. Advertising premature relationships will expose your Relationship to terminators that will kill it early and mind you we are now living in a world where 'Fake' is now real thing - fake friends, fake besties, fake smiles, fake people and the list goes on.

Some individuals will come pretending to love you and showing interest in your relationship matters but all they want is to set you on fire to keep themselves warm. Don't sell yourself out, not everyone smiling around you wants you to be happliy married.

Privacy is protection, never advertise premature relationships. Today people look at you like you are into fornication and prostitution because they are aware of all the five last relationships you have been in because you couldn't keep them as a secret. And it's hard to break a relationship after you have advertised it even after finding out that you are involved with a terrible person. Keep your relationship private is for your own protection my beloved don't be excited in ignorance, you don't know who you are dating yet.

Grow your Relationship patiently in the secret place until it reaches ultimate maturity and strength, until you are ready to get married, until the bride price is fully paid that's when you can announce it.

If you are not familiar with these words please go and ask the elders in the Marriage committee they will attest to this Truth.