The man who is not ready to fulfill his God-given role has lost the moral right to demand that the wife fulfill hers.

Now, about what the pastor said..
“No matter how a man treats his wife, she should still love, understand, and smile with him..”

This is unfair and totally insensitive.

We as men, must understand that sometimes a woman is neither good or bad, neither ill mannered or virtuous, but our attitude towards them can make them exercise love or resentment.

So, yes, we can be responsible of how a woman responds by how we act.

You cannot slap her, hit her, brush her, and expect her to be all smiling. Even angels draw swords. That diplomacy is unrealistic.

So if you're gonna treat your wife badly, please be cool when she treats you badly. You know why? Because there's no peace for the wicked.
This is simple mathematics. Simple reasoning.
Do unto her what you'd love her to do to you. If you can't be her peace, you won't have peace.

If being served abuse, nonsense, crap, and rubbish in marriage, and taking it without contemplation is what makes a woman virtuous, then I wouldn't even advise my daughter/sisters to be a virtuous woman.

Please, when you've taken enough nonsense, shout for help. Scream. Leave. You cannot contain a bad man's every ill attitude and not get mad. You're not the cause, nobody could have been all sanctimonious and holy, you are human. God hates divorce, but he loves you more than he hates divorce. God hates divorce, but he cares about your peace of mind more than he cares about your status of being married. You need to realize that at all times, what God wants for you is not something that's set to kill you.

In summary, any man who wants a Queen for a wife must first learn the ways of a king.